Dating dos and don’ts for an online world

Many of my single friends are dating and, yes, yours truly is too. Let me just say, dating is weird at my age. In my before-marriage dating days you just met people and if you liked them you went on a few dates and eventually decided if this was the forever person. There was no online dating, no AI generated images of the buff guy who isn’t really buff and maybe isn’t even a guy. So, yes, it’s weird and uncomfortable, but it’s the way of the world today.

So far I’ve noticed a few things that compelled me to write about dating etiquette and some dos and don’ts. Friends shared their tips as well.

Your profile
Photos
Good photos are so important! You’re looking for the love of your life, okay, maybe just the like for a night (not me!) but put some energy into your photos. I swipe left anyone who I can’t see well even if they sound like a nice person. Ask a friend or hire a professional photographer to take good photos of you.

Here are some more tips:

• Avoid posting photos that include friends or exes (really?) with their faces scratched out.
• Make sure the lighting is good so you can see your face and body well.
• Include a few close ups of your face and a few of your whole body. If you don’t have a friend who can take photos of you, take a selfie inside with lots of light on your face, not behind you. But all of your photos should not be selfies, which will look like you don’t have any friends who can help you out.
• Don’t include a bunch of art shots of scenery or landscapes to show off your photography skills. One, maybe two is fine. We want to see you, not the amazing places you’ve been to or a bunch of photos of your dog or cat.
• TAKE YOUR SUNGLASSES OFF! Seriously, potential dates can’t see the most important part of your face if you have sunglasses on. Maybe one of your photos can be of you looking cool in your Ray Bans, but the rest of the photos should show your eyes.
• Men, avoid shirtless photos unless you are in a swimsuit. Women, just don’t.
• Do not use AI generated photos. They are creepy, insincere and are catfishing. If I were to go on a date with someone who ended up not looking like his photo, I would immediately end the date. Which brings me to… post photos that are less than two years old. People want to see what you look like TODAY.
• Include at least four good photos. Two up close of your face looking at the camera or just off to the side of it, two of your whole body. Different outfits help people get a sense of your style. You can include one photo of you and your dog or cat if you want to, but make sure the focus is on you, not Fido.

Your description
When writing your description share a little about you and what you’re looking for in a date/life partner. Avoid listing a bunch of negative things like, “no drama” “no busy people who have no time to meet, don’t waste my time…” Yes, I get it you want a certain type of person, but a bunch of negatives only make you seem, well, like a negative person. Instead phrase your preferences in a positive way. “Seeking a partner who enjoys being active” vs “No couch potatoes!” “Looking for a baby smooth face” vs “No beards.” Also write more than a few words and don’t make it all about you and how great you are.

Communication
Once you match with someone say hello and strike up a conversation. You can comment on something in their profile – an interesting photo, something they wrote, a hobby they listed, a prompt they posted. Try asking an easy to answer question. A friend stated that when she first started dating, she asked questions like, “what made you become a vegan” which she soon learned was too long for a chat message. Save the longer questions for an in-person or virtual meeting.

Keep it light and fun. If you like how the person is responding, ask if they’d like to meet for a virtual or in-person date. Note, a friend almost rejected someone because he didn’t ask her any questions in their messaging. Now part of the problem was she was asking all of the questions, but still, the match could have responded, then asked her a question or two. Just like a good conversation, there has to be some give and take, back and forth. Another friend of mine went on a date with someone who talked the whole time about himself and DIDN’T ASK HER ONE QUESTION! Needless to say, she didn’t continue dating the dude.

Avoid mentioning how attractive someone is until you’ve gotten to know them in-person. It says to the person that you’re only interested in the superficial aspects of the person. It makes me and most of my friends very uncomfortable and we pass on that prospective date when the focus is on our looks. Read how a young man got a slap across the face when he commented on a woman’s figure shortly after meeting her.

I’ll stop there. My next posts will be about meeting and getting to know your date.

Do you have any dating advice? Feel free to share what you’ve learned or wish people knew who are dating.

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